my life

"finish each day && be done with it. you have done what you could. some blunder && absurdities have crept in; forget them as soon as you can. Tomorrow is a new day. you shall begin it serenely && with too high a spirit to be encumbered with your old nonsense"

It seems life has been moving rather quickly, I've been given a blessing of becoming a parent all too soon, without knowing where to begin. I'm overwhelmed with excitement and fear, not knowing where I will stand financially scares the living crap out of me. I'm 11weeks and 2 days pregnant to be exact. When I first found out I couldn't believe this happened to me of all people. I still had so many years ahead of me and things I wanted to accomplish before I even thought about settling down and starting a family. At first, I was having second thoughts even if I should consider having this baby. I had a million and one things running through my mind all at once. I definitely wasn't ready for this type of responsibility. Then, I really started to think like an adult, and I said to myself “who is ever ready for a baby?” No one! It doesn't matter whether your rich, poor, old, young etc. No one is ever really ready...a baby's simply a surprise, a blessing from God, one of the greatest accomplishments. Wouldn’t you agree? I mean, millions of people pray everyday for this blessing. So really, who the hell am I to kill such a beautiful and innocent life? A life that one day I might have regretted. Have you ever heard this quote "If God brings you to it, he will bring you through it". I'd also like to think that God does things for a certain reason. Before my pregnancy, I was drinking socially every single day pretty heavily, a path which leads to no where. I know that I had a drinking problem but I ignored it because everyone else around me was drinking just as much. I remember times driving home intoxicated, not thinking about the consequences. It was affecting me in many different ways...emotionally, school, work, and money. It was tearing my life apart and I wasn’t even realizing it. Now that I am pregnant, I don't drink at all nor do I care for it, because I now have a greater responsibility.If you really think about it, this baby may have been the one to save my life.I'm beyond happy with the decision I've made to keep our baby. The love that I already feel is unexplainable. I've been to two sonograms and every time I hear its little heart beat, I can't wait for the day he or she is in my arms. I know that I have a long journey ahead of me, but no one said this would be easy right? The way to becoming a parent is by learning something new each day as you go. I'm not ready, but I'm going to give it my all.